Pain

Pain ! It's something that controls us all is so many different ways. It can make us go crazy and make us do absolutely anything to make it disappear. It can control us both mentally and physically depending how lucky you are. See I believe I have let's just call it an average pain threshold now I am not say for one second I can deal with pain and doesn't bother me no not one bit all I'm saying is I am quite good at not letting it show how much pain I'm actually in. It's funny how what pain can do to a human and it affects them personality and everything it's like it takes over and nothing else matters anymore but to source the pain and get rid of it ASAP well that's how I see it anyway strange right ?

So I may as well start with I got home last week finally woohoo ! Even the first night in my bed was heaven it's normally a little difficult to get used too but I had a great night sleep. Over the next few days I saw family and friends it was like a train of people coming to visit again just the way I like it. Saturday I had a rough day and we really thought we were going to have to phone and go back in but I picked up as the day went on and was much better at night. I even got to have a wee sleepover with Oliver it was the best he's so funny now his little character is shining through. I would refer to his cuteness as a emotional type of pain one I just love ! So the days passed and I remained home each day at home was a bonus to everyone and I am always grateful for a spell at home no matter how long it may be.

I woke up yesterday not feeling so great at all so Caitlin started the routine of oramorph and lorazepam, then we tried so back to back men's she also put my oxygen up on the concentrator to see if that would help unfortunately everything we tried just didn't work so it was that time again to phone the hospital and see what they had to say. I knew the answer and before I knew it the ambulance crew were there along with mum and we headed to gartnavel. Although I was completely gutted to be going back to hospital I know it's for the best and I did manage nearly a whole week at home which is actually really quite an accomplishment for me !

Once here it was decided I would go back onto my stronger ivs of doripenem and Tobi, I don't mind it's just dori is an infusion for 2 hours 3 times a day so I guess you could say it's pretty restrictive but hey ho it's not like I have anything better to do wait no I DO I should be out with friends, I should be out drinking, I should be at college, I should be planning holidays, I should be taking my nephew out all the time to wherever he wants to go ! There is a lot I SHOULD be doing yet here I sit doing nothing really except waiting for these lungs I can feel my patience wearing thin and I'm trying so hard to keep upbeat but it's getting harder and harder. So like I said in my last post I need a hobby and I might have just found one box sets yep I love tv so why not start collecting boxsets so I have started with criminal minds and private practice and see how I go that should pass the time nicely.

Right now your up to date again back to how I have been feeling honestly not so great the pain in my sides and my chest is overwhelming sometimes it used to only be when I coughed now it's when I breathe too I really do hate complaining as I just don't see the point in wasted energy but this hurts and it's wearing me out a bit. I know it's just the poor condition of my lungs now and my muscles getting worked over time when I'm coughing and breathing so hard. Pain it really can control you and like I said I think I am quite good at dealing with it (no I'm not asking for a medal) but paracetamol and oramorph are not even touching this kind of pain I just hope I get some relief soon a break would be nice haha who am I kidding !!